I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
