i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
