Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
God gave him joint rollers for hands
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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