we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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