Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
