All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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