Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
