I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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