Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
