I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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