Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
