my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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