If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
