apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
