So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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