Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
