First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
