All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
