phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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