He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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