yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
