there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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