Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
