I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
