I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
