It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
