yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
