i think my tv is drunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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