I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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