i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
