We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
