his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
