what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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