Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
