he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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