if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The ass gains better be worth it
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