I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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