I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
