well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
