I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
