it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
