Can Purell be used as lube?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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