Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
