Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
