I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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