Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
