Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
