Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
