it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
