I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
