so explain again why im purple
no
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
