I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
