SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
