I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
