My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
